With this baby's arrival just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about my own birth mother. Between that, and this online forum I go to for giggles, I've been thinking probably too much about adoption and how some people probably really should give their babies to adoptive parents. You know, because I'm overly judgmental like that. So, at this online forum, fed up with some of the selfish talk that was going on, and the dismissal by everyone concerning adoption because it was "so traumatizing to both mom and baby," I decided to write about it from the perspective no one else seemed to have.
A-like so:
I was watching tv the other day, and it was like, a 16 and pregnant reunion or something like that. Anyway, they host said something about adoption that brought a tear to my eye. He said that of the 750,000 teen pregnancies in the U.S., about half result in a live birth. Of those, only 1% of babies end up getting adopted. This made me really sad.
I know there are good, stable, 18 and 19 year olds out there who can fully take care of and raise their children in happy, healthy homes, but let's be honest, not all teen pregnancies happen in these situations.
Whatever your decision, that's not why I'm writing this. This is my story, and I just wanted to share it.
My mother had 2 sons, and found out she couldn't have any more children; and had a hysterectomy. My parents were devastated, and my mom desperately wanted daughters. So, they started looking into international adoption.
They finally found some help, which led them to a young woman in Colombia who was 21 and pregnant with her 3rd child. She'd already lost custody of her first two to the paternal grandparents, and knew she could not provide for this baby; financially, mentally, emotionally, etc.
4 months after the birth, my parents had a new baby girl in their arms; me!
4 years later, they adopted my younger sister, a beautiful biracial baby with big brown eyes. We couldn't ask for anything more in life.
My whole life, my mom and dad made sure to tell me that my birth mom loved me so much that she gave me to them, because she couldn't give me what I needed. I never once felt abandoned or unwanted. Just a little different, because I got to my family in a different way than other kids.
I have a college degree, I am married to the most wonderful and perfect man in the world, and I'm pregnant with the first blood relative I will ever meet.
Know what? If I had stayed in Colombia with my birth mom, I'd probably end up just as poor, just as drained, worn out, and as promiscuous, for lack of a better word, as my birth mother. I once found a card she wrote me, it asked to please not hate her. Now I wish I could find her, simply because I want her to know how eternally grateful I am for the opportunities she gave me because of that one decision so many years ago.
My birth mother did something for me that my own parents never could; she gave me not only life, but A life. A life with opportunity and chances that I would not have had if she'd kept me. For that, I will be forever grateful, and will love that woman for her sacrifice for the rest of my life.
My only wish now, is that we could find a different phrase than "giving UP" for adoption. It's not giving up--it's so much more than that.
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And that's what I wrote. I can only hope that this will be passed on to others who are looking for answers, to those who may be considering adoption, and to those who may have put a baby up for adoption and may feel guilty about it. I just hope this touches some hearts.
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This ia amazing and gives me a new way to look at adoption! I myself was almost in your birth moms situation, I was on my third and was looking at a better life for my baby. I was not able to bring myself to make the same sacrafice. I know my son son has a great life with me btu I wonder, could it be better? I will never regret not giving him up but I will wonder what could have been.
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